Miles, Miles, Miles

“I want to get more comfortable being uncomfortable. I want to get more confident being uncertain. I don’t want to shrink back just because something isn’t easy. I want to push back, and make more room in the area between I can’t and I can.” –Kristin Armstrong

This past weekend in Austin was an incredibly fulfilling weekend.  Great moments, great conversations, great friends and family.  And although I came back with legs so stiff I could barely walk, swearing I’d never do another marathon, I absolutely wouldn’t change a thing.  The Austin Bucket List is coming along quite nicely (crossed off Gourdoughs and Antonelli’s Cheese Shop, on top of everything else going on that weekend), and as Spring begins to bloom the list just gets more exciting.  Up next: Wine tasting in Fredericksburg and the Zilker Kite Festival!  You know I’ll have my camera with me for both 😉

Introverts & Mardi Gras

Mardi Gras in NOLA was quite an experience.  I’ve defintely gotten my fix of Bourbon, beads, and Hand Grenades for a long time.  Some of my favorite parts were wandering the Oak Alley Plantation and touring the Honey Island Swamp, both an hour out of the city, west and east, respectively.  And, hell, I had an absolute BLAST photographing the French Quarter in the afternoon, with a camera in one hand and a Hurricane in the other.

Throughout the weekend, I was regularly surrounded by the 18 members of our group.  A couple of the girls constantly played for and received the group’s (or at least the guys in the group’s) attention, and it made me feel self-conscious and awkward in comparison.  Like there must be something wrong with me that I didn’t act the way they did, that I don’t put myself out there like them, that I was never the center of attention.

But now that I’ve gotten some time alone to recharge I’ve made the realization: that just isn’t me.  I’m the girl that is happiest with just a few close friends, going out with a small group, and taking solo adventures.  Everything else is overwhelming, and brings out the worst in me.  My phone isn’t constantly blowing up, I don’t always have a million Facebook notifications, and I do a lot of things alone.  And that’s really okay, so long as my extraverted friends can understand that’s just how I am, and accept me for being that way.  For the most part, I think they do.

Walking Lightly

“It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. I was so preposterously serious in those days…Lightly, lightly—it’s the best advice ever given me. So throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. Lightly, my darling.” –Aldous Huxley

Sometimes I wish I could just travel the world, taking photographs of beautiful places.  Maybe one day.  I am already starting to make some travel plans for the year, I just need to keep working on getting the hang of my camera (and bringing it everywhere!).

I wish I knew what I wanted.  Everything feels so twisted and strange right now.  Like all the different aspirations I’ve had are confused, contradicting of one another, fighting to be my future.  I feel so limited by the different paths I could take, yet overwhelmed by them at the same time.  I’m afraid of getting lost on the Trail of Life, and missing all the best parts.

Most of all, I’m terrified of walking along it alone. But as must as it scares me, I think I need to trek solo for the next stretch.  I think I have to.

I need to find the right path on my own.